The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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