At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think my moral compass just broke
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