Define "chronic" masturbator.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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