so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
