So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
