i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
