I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
