I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
