I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
