Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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