So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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