I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
