Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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