everyone is single if you try hard enough
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
