I cannot find my penis.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
