last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize