Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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