I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
