he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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