bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
