Define "chronic" masturbator.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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