You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
