College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
