btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
