you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize