If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
