if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
