...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just cropdusted the office
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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