i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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