Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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