Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize