I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
