That's intense
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
