Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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