I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
