I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize