Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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