So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
