he shaved USA in his pubs
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i will never coherently bang her
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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