i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
