What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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