Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
