So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
