I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
