did you get engaged???
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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