Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
