yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
