I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
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