Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
