My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
