I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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