Jerry, you need to find god
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
