Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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