After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
