I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
