I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
