Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
