Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The feeling are messing with the penis
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
