Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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