it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
