yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
