I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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