in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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