And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
