I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize