Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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