I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
