Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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